So you’re one of the super special new grads who has multiple six-figure job offers from awesome companies that are basically begging you to come work for them. Make that literally begging. The offers are coming so fast, you don’t know what to do. But the Career Services department on campus set up this final interview for you, and you figure you better go, even though you’re probably going to go with the offer to be CEO of that one company that makes a gazillion dollars a year. You totally don’t want another job offer to throw into the mix, so you are going to blow this interview. Big time.
Sara Shore, Chris Holder and Sarah Loe in Career Services are going to help you on your mission to bomb that interview. Here are some tips on how not to get a job.
1. Arrive unprepared. And late. Now, a good candidate would arrive a little early with multiple copies of his or her resume ready to distribute. But you should arrive a little late, or a lot late, and when they ask for another copy of your resume, just say “didn’t I already email that to you?” and roll your eyes. Smirk. Extra points for looking completely disheveled.
2. Make sure to point out all errors or outdated information on the company’s website or promotional materials. Sara Shore, the director of career services, says, “I know when I am on an employer visit and I say, ‘I saw your website’, the employer perks up, smiles and says, ‘Really?! What did you think?’ They are 99.9% of the time proud of their image.” So you’ll want to tell them how terrible it is. Burst that bubble of theirs. It’s your way of doing them a little “favor” by giving them free advice. Unless, of course, they ask you for constructive criticism. Then offer none.
3. Spout off all the reasons your former or current boss is the worst! Though it’s generally frowned upon to speak negatively of former employers, you’ll want to make it as long a list as possible. Swear as much as you can. Make comments on his or her physical appearance.
4. Let the person interviewing you know that you are smarter than them. You’re fresh out of school with all the new knowledge and tools that they didn’t have back when they were in college, what, a million years ago? Make sure you reiterate that. Be as arrogant as possible. Normally, being confident yet humble would be appropriate, but not for you.
5. When they ask if you have any questions, say no. They can interpret that as disinterested or well-researched, whichever they prefer. In your case, let’s hope for disinterested. A candidate looking to actually obtain a job might have a few well-thought-out and articulated questions. You won’t.
For those of you out there who actually do want a job, take this list, and do the opposite. Either way, stop by Career Services for advice on what, or what not, to do to get the job.